Narcissus
“Mornin’,
Alana.” The bus driver smiled at Alana Chambers as she climbed the steps of the
school bus.
“Good
morning, Mr. Jacobs,” Alana answered politely, making her way to her usual
seat. It was smack dab in the middle of the bus, not quite up front with the
littlest kids, but not in back where the high-schoolers liked to sit. As a
seventh grader, Alana didn’t fit into either category. Some of her peers liked
to sit in front, some in back, but most of them were just kind of squished in
the middle.
In
Alana’s town, McLean , Illinois
Alana
sat down on the seat and rested her forehead against the window. Another
Monday.
Something
hard poked her in the back. Alana stuck her hand down underneath the cushion
and pulled something out.
“Oh
my gosh.” It was the most gorgeous necklace she had ever seen. A delicate net
of silver filigree was interwoven with tiny jewels that caught the light
streaming in through the dusty window, filling the bus seat with rainbows. A
beautiful white glass flower adorned the net, large enough to catch anyone’s
eye but not so large that it was garish. It too was covered with the tiny
diamonds and sparkled in the light. The whole necklace looked so delicate, like
it would fall apart if Alana touched it, yet it had survived being shoved down
a dirty school bus seat without losing a single gem.
Alana
had never seen something so amazing.
She
had a sudden urge to try it on. She
lifted it to her neck and—
“What
are you doing?”
With
a little scream, Alana let the necklace fall into my lap and looked up. Her best
friend, Felicity Hendrix, was standing over her.
“Um...”
Should I hide the necklace? Alana
wondered. I want to keep it to myself.
But Felicity’s my best friend. And the necklace isn’t technically mine, anyway.
“I just found this necklace. Isn’t it gorgeous?”
Felicity
sat down beside her and looked at the necklace. “You’re joking, right?”
“No!”
Alana was insulted. “Don’t you think it’s beautiful? This flower, and those
gems—I think they might be diamonds!”
Felicity
stared at her. Had her friend gone crazy? “Alana, it’s just a cheap, dusty old
rhinestone necklace with a plastic flower. It’s not even in good shape! See,
half the jewels are missing!” Felicity reached out for the necklace, but Alana
snatched it away.
“It
is not ugly, or dusty, or cheap! Honestly, Felicity, you don’t know beauty when
you see it! Maybe that’s why you don’t even care how you look!”
“Well,
at least I’m not spending an hour in front of the mirror each day, or putting
on a pound of makeup every morning, or constantly asking my friends if a
particular outfit makes me look fat, like you do!” Felicity took a deep breath.
“Listen, Alana, I don’t want to fight with you over a stupid necklace.”
“It
is not—”
“Okay,
I get it, you really like it. That’s great. I’m happy for you.”
We
sat in awkward silence for a moment. Alana couldn’t stop staring at the
necklace. Did Felicity really think it was ugly? Alana had never seen anything
that looked less like plastic than that glass flower. And the necklace wasn’t
missing a single jewel, either.
Felicity
was completely confused. Was this a joke? It was just a dirty old necklace, not
at all beautiful or special, just the type of thing you can buy at a thrift
store for twenty-five cents.
Felicity
and Alana had been best friends since kindergarten. Felicity adored Alana, but
she was worried about how obsessed her friend was with her looks. Felicity just
wore whatever she liked and was comfortable, but Alana spent hours pouring over
fashion magazines, looking for the latest styles. She always felt bad about
herself, too, no matter how much Felicity assured her that she was beautiful
just the way God had made her. Felicity had gone to church since she was a baby
and loved God. Alana didn’t really care.
All
Alana thought about was the necklace. She wanted so bad to try it on. But what
if everyone else thought like Felicity? What if she was the only one who
appreciated the necklace’s true beauty? What would happen to her reputation if
people thought she was wearing a cheap, gaudy necklace?
It
was unthinkable. Carefully, Alana wrapped the necklace in the sweater she was
wearing and tucked it inside her backpack.
Felicity
and Alana had study hall together right after lunch. As soon as study hall
started, Alana raised her hand and asked to go to the bathroom.
Alana
made my way down the hall to the smelliest school restroom, the one no one ever
went in. But she didn’t even notice the smell as she pulled her sweater out of
her backpack and carefully unwrapped it.
The
necklace was still there, as beautiful as ever. Her hands trembling, Alana
gently held it up to her neck and fastened the clasp.
Alana
stared at her reflection in the mirror. It was as if the necklace had been made
for her. The flower nestled gently on her chest, the net perfectly filling the
area above her shirt. Just one necklace made her face light up. Her blond hair
seemed to shine, and the diamonds made her blue eyes look almost silver.
She
was beautiful.
Alana
perched on the edge of the sink, staring spellbound at her reflection. She
looked like she belonged in a magazine, or on a billboard, advertising perfect
hair or perfect makeup.
“Alana?”
Without turning around, Alana knew it was Felicity.
“Hi
Felicity! Don’t I look divine?” Alana trilled.
“What
has gotten into you? Study Hall is almost over! We need to go to class!”
“Oh,
pshaw,” Alana laughed. “You’re too anxious, Felicity. I haven’t been here for
more than five minutes!”
“You’ve
been here for twenty-five minutes, Alana.” Felicity was starting to get
worried. “Are you sick or something?” Alana didn’t look sick. She just looked
as she always did.
But
no, something was definitely different. Alana was wearing the cheap old
necklace she had found, but that wasn’t it. It was something about her
attitude, the way she held herself...
With
a start, Felicity realized what it was. For the first time since they had
started middle school, her friend wasn’t unhappy about how she looked. Alana
was radiant because she was confident. “Wow. Um, what just happened?”
Alana
was now dancing around the bathroom, still not taking her eyes from her
reflection. “Tell you what, Felicity. Just tell everyone that I felt sick and
went home.”
“Alana,
you can’t cut class!” Felicity was horrified. Alana was one of the best
students in their school.
“I’m
not cutting class! I just have more important things to do.” Alana leaned against
the mirror and sighed with pleasure.
“But
Alana—”
“Here,
Felicity, you try it on.” Alana turned away from the mirror and removed the
necklace. She was careful not to look in the mirror—she knew she couldn’t bear
the sight of her own ugliness without the necklace.
“That
old thing? Are you sure?”
“Just
try it, Felicity! You wouldn’t believe how amazing it is.”
“Um,
okay...” Felicity looked at her own reflection. She looked just like she always
did: pretty enough, with long brown hair in a ponytail, glasses, and dark brown
eyes. “Well, here goes nothing.” Felicity took a deep breath and put on the
necklace.
Alana
watched Felicity. For a moment, her friend just stared at her own reflection,
not moving a muscle. Then, in one motion, she yanked off the necklace and flung
it across the room.
“What
are you doing?!” Alana shrieked. She dove for the necklace.
“Don’t
touch it!” Felicity yelled.
Alana
paid her no heed, scooping the necklace off the floor and checking it for
damage. “Why would you do that?” she shouted at her friend.
Felicity
walked briskly over to Alana with her hand held out. “Give it to me,” she said
firmly.
“What,
so you can throw it again? No!”
“That
thing is dangerous, Alana.”
“It’s
just a necklace!”
Felicity
stared at her in disbelief. “Couldn’t you feel it draining you?” She shuddered.
“It was horrible. It was like it was taking my very identity. We need to get
rid of it.”
Alana
shook her head. “No. I’m keeping it.”
“I
won’t let you!”
Just
then, the bell rang.
“Come
on,” said Felicity. “We have to get to class.”
As
Alana got to her feet, Felicity made a sudden rush at her and grabbed the
necklace. Shoving it in her backpack, she exited the bathroom at a run.
Alana
narrowed her eyes. “Fine. But it’s my necklace, Felicity Hendrix, and I’ll get
it back if it kills me.”
Alana
and Felicity didn’t speak to each other the rest of the day.
But
as they were getting on the bus, Alana tapped Felicity on the shoulder. “Look, Felicity,
no hard feelings about the necklace, okay?”
“Okay.”
Felicity was relieved. “Could you feel—”
Alana
cut her off. “I don’t even want to talk about it. Let’s just pretend it never
happened, okay?”
All
the way home, the girls chattered and laughed just like normal, both of them
straining to pretend that the necklace didn’t exist.
“Hey,
Felicity,” Alana said as they got close to Felicity’s stop. “Could I look in
your backpack just for a minute? I think I left my headband with you.”
“Sure.”
Felicity handed Alana the backpack, forgetting about the necklace still stored in
the bottom.
Alana
dug through the pack.
“Hurry
up,” Felicity said anxiously. “This is my stop.”
“Got
it!” Alana pulled something from the pack. Felicity didn’t even look at it,
just grabbed her backpack and slung it over her shoulder as she ran down the
aisle. “Bye, Alana!” she called over her shoulder.
“Bye
Felicity!” Alana called.
“And
thank you,” she added under her breath, clutching the stolen necklace close.
“I’m
home, Mom!” Alana called.
“Anything
interesting happen at school?” Alana’s mother came out of the kitchen, dusting
her hands on her apron.
“I
found this.” Alana showed her mom the necklace.
Her
mother studied it. “It’s quite beat up. But that’s a pretty narcissus on it!”
“Narcissus?”
“That
flower. It was named after Narcissus from the Greek myths. He was an incredibly
handsome man who was so vain, he fell in love with his own reflection and
wasted away—”
“That’s
nice!” Alana didn’t bother to listen to what her mother was saying.
“I’m going to be in my room, but I have a ton of homework so please don’t bother me!”
“I’m going to be in my room, but I have a ton of homework so please don’t bother me!”
Alana
took the steps two at a time and locked her door.
She
took her fanciest dress from her closet and put it on. Then she pulled her
chair up to her full-length mirror and sat down. Finally. Peace and quiet.
Alana
put on the necklace.
Having
said hello to her mother, played with her baby sister, and done her chores, Felicity
made her way upstairs, apple in hand. She could do a little bit of her homework
before dinner.
Felicity
had managed to put the strange necklace out of her mind, but now, in solitude,
she couldn’t help but remember it. What had happened in that dusty bathroom?
There was something supernatural about the necklace, Felicity knew. She had
wrapped it up in cloth before putting it in her backpack—
“I
put it in my backpack!” Felicity dropped her apple and started digging through
her backpack. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! It’s not in here! I have to get to Alana’s
right away!”
Felicity
dashed downstairs. “Mom I have to go to Alana’s house right now!”
“Are
you okay?” Her mom sounded concerned.
“I’m
fine, but Alana might not be! I’ll be right back—hopefully.” Felicity dashed
out the door, jumped on her bike and pedaled top speed all the way to Alana’s
house.
Felicity
burst in Alana’s front door without knocking. “Hi Mrs. Chambers!” she called to
Alana’s mom. “Where’s Alana?”
“Well,
hi, Felicity!” Mrs. Chambers smiled. “Do you want some cookies or something?”
“No,
thanks. Is Alana in her room?”
“Yes,
I think so. She’s been in there since she came home, almost two hours ago. Is
everything okay?”
Felicity
felt a dark chill run up her spine. Had Alana been wearing the necklace that
whole time?
Without
stopping to answer Mrs. Chambers’ question, Felicity dashed up the stairs and
tried to open Alana’s door, but her friend’s room was locked.
Felicity
pounded on the door. “Alana? Alana, I know you’re in there! It’s Felicity! Let
me in right now!”
For
a moment, there was no answer. Felicity could feel her heart pounding in her
chest. Was she too late? God, help me!
Then
Alana’s dreamy giggle floated out to Felicity. “Hello, dear!”
“Alana!”
For a moment, Felicity was relieved. Then: “Alana, you let me in right now!”
“No,
I’d rather not. I’m too beautiful, you see. I might make you jealous!” Alana
let out a high, shrill laugh that gave Felicity chills.
She
struggled to keep her voice under control. “Really? I can’t believe that! Let
me see!”
“Nope!”
said Alana teasingly.
“Oh,
please, Alana dear?” Felicity wheedled. “Just a quick peek?”
“Well...”
Alana seemed to consider. “Okay!” She flung open the door and Felicity quickly
jumped inside.
Felicity
stared at her friend. Alana was wearing her best dress: a gorgeous, sparkly
turquoise-and-silver mini-dress. She was also wearing her sparkly high-heeled
shoes and silver earrings. Her hair had been elegantly done up and fastened. She
was wearing a ton of makeup and the necklace.
She
was beautiful, it couldn’t be denied—but also somehow wrong. She just didn’t
look like Alana.
“Aren’t
I gorgeous?” Alana trilled.
“Lovely.”
Felicity struggled to keep her voice level. “Just like you always look.”
Alana
giggled again. “Don’t lie to me, darling! Why, I was ugly, positively hideous
before today!”
“Oh?
And what happened today?” Felicity moved a step closer to Alana. What would
happen if she just reached out and grabbed the necklace? She didn’t want to
spook Alana and get thrown out of the room, but every minute that she wore the
necklace, Alana’s identity, her personality, her very self was being sucked
into the necklace and its deadly beauty.
“I
found this.” Alana looked down and lovingly stroked the crystal narcissus with
one finger. “And now... I’m beautiful!” Alana spun across the room and leaned
against her full length mirror. She sighed with pleasure. “Oh, darling, this is
the best day I have ever had!”
Something
occurred to Felicity then, something that sent chills down her spin. “Alana,
what’s my name?”
The
girl laughed, not taking her eyes from her reflection. “Don’t be silly, dear!
It’s...” Alana’s eyes clouded over a little. She seemed confused. “I’m sorry...
have we met before?”
Felicity’s
heart was pounding. “What is your name?”
Alana
considered for a moment. She half turned from the mirror. “Why, it’s...
it’s...” Then the girl shrugged and turned back to the mirror. “It doesn’t
really matter. Nothing really matters. Being beautiful can do that to you, you
know what I mean? Oh, I forgot. No one knows what I mean! Because no one is as
beautiful as me!” The girl threw back her head and laughed with delight.
Felicity
stood frozen in the middle of the room. For just a moment, she was jealous of Alana. What would be like to
be that beautiful? Felicity swayed on the spot. Maybe, Alana would let her try
on the necklace... just for a moment...
Felicity
shook her head hard. “NO!” she blurted aloud.
The
girl didn’t even seem to hear her. “Perhaps you should come back another time,
darling... as understandable as it is that you want to bask in my glow, I would
rather be alone right now.”
Felicity
didn’t hesitate. She crossed the distance to Alana’s side and grabbed the
necklace with both hands. Then she tugged as hard as she could.
The
necklace didn’t come off. But Felicity could feel its power pulsing under her
hands. She wanted the necklace. She wanted all that it offered: beauty, popularity,
power. She wanted the love and adoration the necklace could give her. For the
first time, Felicity could see the necklace as Alana saw it.
It
was beautiful.
Then
she heard a voice. A quiet voice, from
the depths of her heart. You don’t need it to be beautiful, Felicity.
You are beautiful, because you are My child. All that you need, you already
have.
Felicity
was filled with a tremendous calm. Thank
you, Father. Thank you, Jesus.
She
let go of the necklace.
The
girl at the mirror didn’t even seem to have noticed that Felicity was tugging
on her necklace. She was still smiling at her reflection.
Felicity
grabbed her arms and yanked, pulling the girl to her feet.
“Hey!”
The girl tottered on her high heels.
Felicity
pushed her up against the wall. The time for subtlety was past. “You listen to
me right now, Alana Chambers!” Felicity practically shouted in her face.
“Listen to me! You don’t need the necklace to be beautiful!
“Yes,
I do.” The girl said it as if it was absolute fact.
“No.
You. Don’t! You are beautiful just the way you are, just the way God made you!”
The
girl blinked. The cloudy look in her eyes faded just a little. “What did you
say my name was?”
“Alana.
Alana Chambers. Alana, my best, best friend.”
The
girl cocked her head to the side. “Alana means beautiful.”
“Yes,
it does, but it means more than that! It means Beautiful, Beloved Child. You
are beloved, Alana Chambers. Beloved by your family, beloved by me, and beloved
by God. No one cares how you look.”
The
girl’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t lie to me. Everyone cares!”
“Some
people care, that’s true,” Felicity amended. “But they don’t matter! They don’t
even deserve to look at you! We don’t care. The ones who love you don’t care.”
“Yes
they do.” Alana’s voice was very tiny and quiet. “They must care... they must
care... right?”
“Wrong,” Felicity said firmly. Then her
voice became gentler. “Just take it off, Alana. Just take it off.”
Alana
looked at Felicity, her eyes brimming with tears. Somewhere, deep inside, she
felt something stirring. She wanted to take the necklace off but... she
couldn’t. How could she loose this beauty? For the last two hours, she had been
something special. How could she just go back?
“Felicity?”
she whispered. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Take
off the necklace,” Felicity said gently.
But I can’t! Alana cried silently. I can’t do it! I’m not strong enough!
I
Am.
What? Alana had heard the
voice rather than felt it.
You
are not strong enough, My child, but I am. Take the necklace off. Everything will
be all right.
“Okay,”
Alana whispered. Slowly, tremblingly, she lifted her hands to her neck and
unfastened the clasp.
The
necklace fell. It tumbled the distance from Alana’s neck to the floor, until it
hit the carpet.
It
lay there, between Alana and Felicity, looking, for all the world, like a
cheap, unassuming, rhinestone necklace.
Alana
blinked. “Felicity?”
“Alana?”
Felicity could scarcely believe it. “Are you... are you...”
“Something...
I just...The necklace, it was—Oh Felicity!” Alana burst into tears.
Thank you, Jesus! Felicity thought as Alana sobbed on her
shoulder. Everything is going to be
alright!
“Girls?”
Alana’s mother called up the stairs. “Are you okay up there?”
“We’re
fine!” Felicity called down. “Perfect, in fact!” She realized with a start that
from when she had mounted the stairs until now was only two or three minutes.
It felt like a lifetime.
“What—what
should we do with it?” Alana hiccupped.
“Well,
I suppose we should—“ Felicity’s voice stuttered to a halt. “Where is it?”
The
girls both got down on their knees and searched the room, but the necklace was
no where to be found.
Felicity
sat back on her haunches. “I don’t see where it could have gone.”
“Well,
I’m glad,” Alana said firmly. She was still a little pale and shaken from her
ordeal, but her voice had lost its tremor. “I don’t ever want to see it again!”
“I
feel the same way,” said Felicity. “Oh, Alana, I’m so glad you’re alright!”
“I
wouldn’t be, if it hadn’t been for you,” Alana said gratefully. “Only... something
happened there at the end, right before I took the necklace off. I heard a
voice. It wasn’t you, I’m sure—this came from inside me, but not inside me at
the same time. Do you think... do you think it could have been God?”
Felicity
smiled. “I’m sure of it. Tell you what, why don’t you come with me to youth
group later tonight?”
“I’d
love to. Only, maybe I’d better change out of these ridiculous shoes.”
Felicity
laughed. Alana joined in.
And
as Alana laughed, her head thrown back, practically snorting with laughter, she
wasn’t thinking at all about how she looked.
And
she had never looked so beautiful.
